


What Would Hulk Hogan Do For A Klondike Bar, Brother?

by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Commercial Parody, Commercials, Cussing, Explicit Language, Gen, Humor, Klondike Bar, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 21:19:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11021808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever/pseuds/UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: What happens when everyone's favorite Real American tries to get his hand on the cold chocolatey delicious treat? You may be shocked to find out.





	What Would Hulk Hogan Do For A Klondike Bar, Brother?

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the World Wrestling Entertainment or any of its wrestlers. The World Wrestling Entertainment is owned and associated by the chairman, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Anyway, I figured I'd do this in response of Hulk Hogan's firing from the WWE. This is what I think would have happened in my way. Enjoy.

Hulk Hogan was at a gym somewhere in Tampa, Florida, flexing out his muscles and lifting weights like he would usually do on days like this. It has mostly become a part of his life. So far, the Hulkster had recently finished up his deadlifts.

"Well, I'm done with those." Hulk Hogan sighed, wiping off the sweat from his forehead. "I swear, it's like having to lift up an elephant, brother. Time for a shake break."

Hulk then proceeded to go to the mini bar for one of the gym's tasty nutritious shakes. One of his favorites was a BSN Syntha-6 shake. Without that shake by his side, Hulk would end up being a fatter version of his muscular self. He slapped down on the counter, which brought the bartender's attention.

"So Mr. Hogan, what will it be? The usual?" The bartender asked him.

"Yep, a BSN Syntha-6 shake." Hulk replied.

"You got it."

As the bartender went to go make Hogan's drink, an unknown figure dressed in a blue business suit approached Hogan.

"Excuse me, are you Hulk Hogan?" The businessman asked him.

"The one and only, brother." Hulk replied. "What's up, you want an autograph."

"That won't be necessary, Mr. Hogan." The salesman said. "I'm actually from the Klondike Bar company. You're familiar with our Klondike Bar commercials, right? The one where a black man kills a police officer just to get a Klondike Bar?"

"Yeah, I've seen that." Hogan replied. "I just don't remember it because of the booze I drank."

"Well, it happens." The salesman shrugged. "Hulk Hogan, what if I were to tell you that it's your lucky day?"

"You're not gonna ask me what I think you're gonna ask me?" Hulk gasped. "Because I think it would be fuckin' awesome, brother!"

With a smile on his face, the employee pulled out a cold hard Klondike Bar from his suit.

"Hulk Hogan, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

"I don't know, brother." Hulk shrugged. "What do you want me to do?"

"Would you flex your muscles?" The salesman asked.

Just like that, The Hulkster flexed his muscles immediately.

"Like that, brother?" Hulk replied.

"Yep." The salesman nodded. "Would you rip off your yellow tanktop?"

On command, The Hulkster used his great strength to rip off his signature Hulkamania tanktop in full force.

"Is that better enough?" Hulk replied.

"That depends." The salesman shrugged.

Just then, he saw Big E from the WWE walk by Hogan. With an evil villainous smirk, the Klondike employee gave out his most dreaded task.

"Would you call that black man a 'N*****'?" The employee smirked.

Suddenly, Hogan froze in fear.

He couldn't believe that the employee gave Hogan such an offensive offer as this. The Hulkster was definitely no racist. He had never been one all of his life. But boy, did that Klondike bar looked tasty for the Hulkster. But nothing could be worth it. Hulk Hogan couldn't do it.

He could never do it.

He didn't want to do it, despite being tempted for a single Klondike Bar.

But suddenly...

_**Several hours later** _

"YOU WHAT?!" Said an angry shrieking Mr. McMahon.

"I couldn't help it, brother! It was so good." Hulk Hogan replied with a Klondike Bar in his mouth.

Apparently, Hulk Hogan ended up inside WWE Headquarters with one angry boss snapping at him.

"Out of all of the things you've done, you had to say the N-word." Mr. McMahon said, keeping his temper. But not for long. "ALL BECAUSE OF A FUCKING KLONDIKE BAR!"

"It was double chocolate flavored, brother." Hulk replied. "It even has some inside the shell!"

"I can't imagine how much I feel right now." Vince said, still keeping his anger intact. "You had no right calling one of my wrestlers the N-word. If you wanted a Klondike Bar, you should've gotten them at a 7-Eleven, not have one of those bastards come up to you for one! You don't even know what the hell they're capable of? They even ask you if you'd either kill a man, shoot a baby, or fuckin' snort crack up my ass for a Klondike Bar! You should never go near those guys ever again! I don't know about you, but here at WWE, we will not take racism at all in this business. And you Hulkster, has crossed the line! What in the fuck do you even have to say to yourself, you son of a bitch?!"

Not knowing what to say, Hulkster tried his best by offering Mr. McMahon a Klondike Bar.

"Want one?" Hulk smiled nervously.

Suddenly, Vince threw Hulk Hogan out of WWE Headquarters, and took his already half-eaten Klondike Bar with him. Unfortunately for Hogan, the Klondike Bar was already smashed from the impact. It was clear from Mr. McMahon's temper and Hogan's misfortune that Hulkamania was over and done with.

Hulk Hogan was now a fired man. Realizing this, he picked up his now destroyed Klondike Bar and walked off.

"Well, this is just great." Hulk sighed. "Maybe TNA will hire me back. I mean, that place has gotta be less fuckin' racist than this..."

**Author's Note:**

> Eeyup, who would imagine Hulk Hogan getting fired from using an N-word that way, all because of a Klondike Bar? I'm telling ya, those Klondike Bars are evil stuff, and it could do some horrible things. Good thing I stick with nothing but Doritos. I'd choose that other than a Klondike Bar. (I'm just kidding about the Klondike bars, they're actually very good.)
> 
> Oh, and don't worry everyone, the N-word is bleeped out. The F-words, not so much. Just to let everyone know.
> 
> Anyway, feedbacks are welcome! Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now!


End file.
